Fully Known and Fully Loved: Gospel Risk Re-Creates Relationship
Can I tell you something? …
What do you experience when you hear those five words? Weight?... Dread?... Intrigue?...Honor? You might even feel a little miffed that I hung the question out there with no follow through. When someone entrusts you with those five words it speaks to a fearful longing to know and be known. There is an eternal pull on our souls, to quote one local Salt Lake Valley church’s slogan “to be fully known and fully loved” (1 Cor. 13:12-13).
In the glow of Brene’ Brown’s research on vulnerability with over 62 million views, our secular society also confirms this same longing. Our culture embraces the idea of “No risk it, no biscuit.” You must risk revealing weaknesses to experience growth and love in your relationships and community. Innate within us, we all scream to foster a new Eden of vulnerability and belonging in our lives.
When Vulnerability is Redemption:
But not all vulnerability forms and binds people equally. A difference exists between self and gospel centered vulnerability, and what we use vulnerability for shapes our connections.
Relational bartering begins when vulnerability is used for self-redemption. We will naturally negotiate the lowest risk for the highest self-returns, but bazaar things happen when we barter exposure for acceptance and love. Instead of growth, we get deformities. Here are a few negotiating tactics I’ve gleaned from a wiser counselor, seen in myself, and others:
We glamorize vulnerability because it’s not just the goal but the god. When emotional unburdening over white mocha lattes and “#beingreal” becomes the march and manifestation of maturity, get ready for ugly.
We intellectualize because it keeps us distanced and in control from beliefs taking over our lives. Intellectualizing seems safer than depending on beliefs.
We professionalize or strata relationships by doing more and knowing more about others than they know of us to hold them at a safer armchair distance. Inviting them onto the porch of our lives is one thing; inviting them into our living room is another.
We achieve to earn or indebt others relationally to us to gain favor – withdrawing on our bank account when we need to cash in on our mistakes and inadequacies.
We get stoic because emotions are scary. Exposed emotions challenge our control and get too close to revealing potential weaknesses in the things we value.
We get circumstantial because its easier to be passive and lay the blame on life issues outside of us – a confused culture, politicians, commercialism, technology, sexualized trends, and “triggers” – than it is to take responsibility for the temptation and sin inside us.
We use activism and functions to keep relationships going through events, service, and experiences external to revealing who we really are internally.[1]
We get vague, use tropes, Christianese, and non-specific struggles or failures to shield ourselves from scrutiny, discipline, and accountability to grow.
We sneer and use criticism or sarcastic humor to distance ourselves from others’ exposed weaknesses and fears. It’s easier to downplay others’ struggles than it is to enter the struggle with them.
We… (insert tactic here) _____________.
As soon as you detach vulnerable connection from the person and purpose of Christ, things get weird.
Vulnerability for Re-Creation:
Gospel vulnerability images and moves into exposure with Christ. Yes, Jesus is the model of vulnerability. He made himself truly vulnerable in the flesh for our sakes (Phil 2:1-11). But He is more. He is the mode – “the way, the truth, and the life”. (Jn. 14:6; Phil. 2; 1 Tim 3:16). The woman at the well, demoniac, man born blind, and unclean woman in the temple will all tell you that exposure to Jesus moves them to be known and covered by Christ in their communities (Jn. 4:28-30; Lk. 8:38-39; Jn. 9; Christ recontextualizes vulnerability to become what it was intended for – a conduit of His loving re-creation in ourselves and others (Jn. 4:39-42; Jn. 9 Lk. 8:38-39; 2 Cor. 5:17).[2]
And so we get to grow in our re-creation through exposure before God and others. Paul appeals to the Corinthian Churches’ own issues of image and exposure:
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. (1 Cor. 1:18)
Vulnerability becomes witness. Vulnerability is part of how relationships actively participate in the message of the cross and God’s redemptive story. It is a part of how we rely and live out salvation in Christ among others. Vulnerability was never meant to be the end or litmus test for healthy relationships. It is meant as a mark of growing trust in our “being saved” and covered in Christ’s redemption. To many it’s foolish - an unacceptable risk to ourselves. To the Christian, it’s freedom. We are freed from negotiating what parts of ourselves are acceptable to receive love or not without self-exaltation. There is no need to flaunt our faults or project perfection. Christ offers something far more purposeful to risk ourselves for than emotional release or popularized authenticity.
Stepping Into Christ Exposure:
So, how do we participate in redemptive vulnerability? Two things are necessary:
1. Risking exposure before God with others and 2. Trusting Christ to cover you.
Risking exposure and reliance on Christ with others could take many forms (i.e. communing in the Word, confession, seeking counsel, asking for prayer). One practice could be sharing a real time 15 second news story of your heart exposure and covering before Christ with yourself and others. Here’ an example:
“Can I tell you something?...Today, I feel so embarrassed and undignified having to go into the doctor to get tested for STDs. I didn’t choose to be exposed to this…But I know Christ chose to enter embarrassment and indignity for me. And I get to know the indignity He bore to redeem my honor. Can you pray for me to remember and live in that?”
Security, grace, and God’s glory grows relationally when we risk vulnerability with Christ among others. True closeness in community grows, not when you share your sickest secrets, but when you meaningfully risk yourself in exposure before God and rely on His grace.
What kind of vulnerability is shaping you and your community today?
[1] Hambrick, Brad. (2012). Vulnerability: Blessing in the Beatitudes. Association of Biblical Counselors. Pg. 6.
[2] Hales, Ashley. (2017). “Don’t Worship at the Alter of Vulnerability”. Gospel Coalition. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/dont-worship-at-altar-of-vulnerability/.